Economist's Jokes
Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize
for saying exactly the opposite thing.
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Heard at the Wharton School.
Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a
huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of
your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd
thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a
man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or
nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an
economist for a government think tank," says the shepherd. "Amazing!"
responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce
that?" "Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
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A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two
equal?" The mathemetician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four,
exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says,
yes, four exactly.
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What
do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take
ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What
do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the
shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to
equal?"
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Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first
econometrician fired, but missed, by a metre to the left. The second econometrician
fired, but also missed, by a metre to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire,
but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
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A mathematician, a theoretical economist and an econometrician are asked
to find a black cat (who doesn't really exist) in a closed room with the
lights off:
- The mathematician gets crazy trying to find a black cat that doesn't
exist inside the darkened room and ends up in a psychiatric hospital.
- The theoretical economist is unable to catch the black cat that doesn't
exist inside the darkened room, but exits the room proudly proclaiming that
he can construct a model to describe all his movements with extreme acuracy.
- The econometrician walks securely into the darkened room, spend one hour
looking for the black cat that doesn't exits and shouts from inside the room
that he has it catched by the neck."
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Heard at the workshop of evolutionary economists at IIASA:
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.
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True story: I was standing with Ken Arrow by a bank of elevators on the
ground floor of William James Hall at Harvard. Three elevators passed us
on our way to the basement. I foolishly said "I wonder why everybody in
the basement wants to go upstairs." He responded, almost instantly:
"You're confusing supply with demand."
Curt Monash
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Economist poem
If you do some acrobatics
with a little mathematics
it will take you far along.
If your idea's not defensible
don't make it comprehensible
or folks will find you out,
and your work will draw attention
if you only fail to mention
what the whole thing is about.
Your must talk of GNP
and of elasticity
of rates of substitution
and undeterminate solution
and oligonopopsony.
Kenneth E. BOULDING
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Q. What do economists and computers have in common ??
A. You need to punch information into both of them.
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Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea ??
A. If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
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Two economists were walking down the street when they noticed two women
yelling across the street at each other from their apartment windows.
Of course they will never come to agreement, stated the first economist.
And why is that, inquired his companion,
Why, of course, because they are arguing from different premises.
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Here's couple of more general jokes.
A civil engineer, a chemist and an economist are traveling in the countryside.
Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you
will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says.
The civil engineer volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others
go to bed. In a short time they're awakened by a knock. It's the engineer, who
says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs
to sleep next to a sacred animal." The chemist says that, OK, he'll sleep in the
barn. The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock. It's the
chemist who says, "There's a pig in that barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next
to an unclean animal." So the economist is sent to the barn. It's getting late,
the others are very tired and soon fall asleep. But they're awakened by an even
louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's the
cow and the pig!
Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before
journey mathematicians bought 3 tickets (they could countto three and economists
only one. Mathematicians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine.
Hovewer when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists
went to the nearest toilet. Conductor noticing that somebody is in the loo knocked
to the door and in reply saw a hand with the ticket. He checked it and economists
saved 2/3 of the ticket price. Next day mathematicians decided to use the same
strategy- they bought only one ticket, but economists did not buy tickets at all.
When mathematicians saw conductor they went to the loo, and when they heard knocking
they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back. Why? The economists took it and
went to the other toilet.
A party of economists was climbing in the Alps . After several hours they became
hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down,
sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.
Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?'
'Yes', answered the others eagerly.
'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'
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When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue
outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs.
The first replied 190. "Wonderful," exclaimed Einstein. "We can discuss the
contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of
general relativity".
The second answered 150. "Good," said Einstein. "I look forward to
discussing the role of New Zealand's nuclear-free legislation in the quest
for world peace".
The third New Zealander mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and then asked, "So
what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?" (Adapted from
Economist June 13th 1992, p. 71).
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Two men are flying in a captive balloon. The wind is ugly and they come
away from their course and they have no idea where they are. So they go
down to 20 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer. "Could you tell us
where we are?"
"You are in a balloon."
So the one pilot to the other:
"The answer is perfectly right and absolutely useless. The man must be an
economist"
"Then you must be businessmen", answers the man.
"Thats right! How did you know?"
"You have such a good view from where you are and yet you don't know where
you are!"
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A totalitarian head of state asked for an economist with one arm to
advise the government. Why ? Because he was tired of economists who say:
"Well on one hand ... But on the other hand ..."
Harry Truman
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The Commerce Department has a 46-page application packet for economists
to seeking to run its leading economic index, but the packet warns: "the
government will evaluate only the first 25 pages of a written proposal."
The Wall Street Journal, July 21, 1995
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In Canada there is a small radical group that refuses to speak english
and no one can understand them. They are called separatists. In this
country (USA) we have the same kind of group. They are called economists.
Nation's Business
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An economist was asked about the meaning of life.
He replied: ----------------------------------------------------------
On the first day God created the sun - so the Devil countered and created
sunburn.
On the second day God created sex. In response the Devil created marriage.
On the third day God created an economist. This was a tough one for the
Devil, but in the end and after a lot of thought he created a second
economist!
CHEER February 1993
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Three leading economists took a small plane to the wilderness in northern
Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was,
remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring
ONE moose back.
But of course, they killed one each and come sunday, they talked the pilot
into letting them bring all three dead moose onboard. So just after takeoff,
the plane stalled and crashed. In the wreckage, one of the economists woke
up, looked around and said. where the hell are we.
Oh, just about a hundred yards east of the place there we crashed last year.
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"Economic man" never gets a hang-over, if he doesn't decide that the
advantages of acquiring it exceed the draw-backs.
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Evereybody has a comparative advantage in some respect, provided that
performances are not entirely in the third quadrant.
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"This man is a first year economics student, so we can't show you his
friends." - Tim Ferguson, DAAS Farewell Tour, 1994
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An Economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become
an accountant.
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An economist is someone who knows 100 ways to make love, but doesn't
know any women/men.
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Q: What is a recent economics graduate's usual question in his first job?
A: What would you like to have with your french fries sir?
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An economist returns to visit his old school. He's interested in the
current exam questions and asks his old professor to show some. To
his surprice they are exactly the same ones to which he had answered
10 years ago!
When he asks about this the professor answers: "the questions are always
the same - only the answers change!"
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Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
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The central banker replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry right now.
You'd better cut it into eight pieces."
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Reproduced below is an Economist Joke that illustrates the separate
facilities solution to an externality problem.
Three guys decide to play a round of golf: a priest, a psychologist, and
an economist.
They get behind a *very* slow two-some, who, despite a caddy, are taking all
day to line up their shots and four-putting every green, and so on. By the
8th hole, the three men are complaining loudly about the slow play ahead and
swearing a blue streak, and so on. The priest says, "Holy Mary, I pray that
they should take some lessons before they play again." The psychologist says,
"I swear there are people that like to play golf slowly." The economist says,
"I realy didnt expect to spend this much time playing a round of golf."
By the 9th hole, they have had it with slow play, so the psychologist goes to
the caddy and demands that they be allowed to play through. The caddy says
O.K., but then explains that the two golfers are blind, that both are retired
firemen who lost their eyesight saving people in a fire, and that explains
their slow play, and would they please not swear and complain so loud.
The priest is mortified; he says, "Here I am a man of the cloth and I've been
swearing at the slow play of two blind men." The psychologist is also
mortified; he says, "Here I am a man trained to help others with their
problems and I've been complaining about the slow play of two blind men."
The economist ponders the situation-finally he goes back to the caddy and
says, "Listen, the next time could they play at night."
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A physist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on an island, with
nothing to eat. A can of soup washes ashore. The physist says, "Lets
smash the can open with a rock." The chemist says, "Lets build a fire
and heat the can first." The economist says, "Lets assume that we have
a can-opener..."
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Q: What's the difference between a finance major and an economics major?
A: Oppurtunity Cost
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An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were were arguing
about what was God's real profession. The philosopher said, "Well, first and
foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man
is to live." "Ridiculous!" said the biologist "Before that, God created man
and woman and all living things so clearly he was a biologist." "Wrong," said
the architect. "Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the
earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!" "Well," said the
economist, "where do you think the chaos came from?"
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The First Law of Economists: For every economist, there exists an equal
and opposite economist.
The Second Law of Economists: They're both wrong.
pkm's existence theorem: for every finite set of answers there
exists an infinite set of novel models
If all the economists were laid end to end
a) it would be a good thing
b) they would be more comfortable
c) they would never reach conclusion
d) all of the above
e) none of the above
f) they would point in different directions
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Two economists are walking down the street.
One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so.
"Obviously not," says the other. "If there were, someone
would have picked it up!"
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Q:Why did God create economists ?
A:In order to make weather forecasters look good.
Q: Why did the economist cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.
Q. What does an economist do?
A. A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
Two economists meet on the street. One inquires, "How's your wife?"
The other responds, "Relative to what?"
To an economist, real life is a special case.
Allow me to tell one joke in Finnish... its difficult to translate
without loosing the funny point
K: Miten ekonomi ja ekonomisti eroavat toisistaan?
V: Samalla tavoin kuin alkoholi ja alkoholisti!
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I asked an economist for her phone number....and she gave me an estimate.
Economists have forecasted 9 out of the last 5 recessions.
An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects.
The astrologer says, "Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come
out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion". The
econometrician replies, "That's because of external shocks. Stars don't
have those".
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SOCIALISM: You have two cows. State takes one and give it to someone else.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and gives you milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and sell you milk.
NAZISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and shoot you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. State takes both of them, kill one and spill the milk in system of sewage.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
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Q: What do you call a little girl in a brown dress who is running across a
playground?
A: A brownian motion.
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David Gunn (Scotland): "Eighty percent of rules of thumb only apply 20
percent of the time"
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When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory
says one thing and data says the opposite.
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From Peter Kennedy's "A Guide to Econometrics" (MIT Press, 1992):
(P. 7) [Econometrics is...] the art of drawing a crooked line from an
unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion."
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True story: One day in microeconomics, the professor was writing up the
typical "underlying assumptions" in preparation to explain a new model.
I turned to my friend and asked, "What would Economics be without
assumptions?" He thought for a moment, then replied, "Accounting."
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Q: Why has astrology been invented?
A: So that economy could be an accurate science.
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This is a true story:
Back in the mid-1970s, I attended an ASSA/AEA convention in Dallas.
During the third day of the convention, one of the bellhops at the
convention hotel asked me who the people attending the convention were and
what we did for a living.
"We're economists," I replied. "Why do you ask?"
"I don't know..... no women, no drugs, just booze, booze, booze."
John Palmer
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Heard at the University of Oslo campus
We all know what pareto optimal allocation means... What about
Jesus-optimal allocation -- when all persons are equally well off, and
one person _really_ gets it bad, worse off, while all the rest are much
better off...
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A traveller wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes
upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated
according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Artists' Brains $9/lb
Philosophers' Brains $12/lb
Scientists' Brains $15/lb
Economists' Brains $19/lb
upon reading the sign, the traveller noted, "My those economists'
brains must be popular!"
To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea
how many economists you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"
HA! ... It's a *supply side* joke!